Person on the phone: Hello, am I speaking to the head of the household?
Me, handing the phone to my cat: It’s for you
I just saw a fic tagged ‘intensely requited love’ and I think I’ve found my new kink
me: *wailing dramatically while wandering the halls of my dark mansion in a long black chiffon dressing gown with a black feather trim that trails behind me about a foot over a simple and elegant black silk slip dress, holding a fully lit candelabra and leaving a trail of wax drippings on my hardwood floors*
my spouse: *turns on the hall light* we fucking talked about this
im the seductive malicious forest spirit your parents warned you about
